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  • Writer's pictureRebecca Irving


If you felt stuck in your marriage before the quarantine, it probably feels unbearable now. Being honest, it may have felt unbearable even before.  

So how do you get unstuck?  

You control what you can - which is clearly not the other person. 

Take a break from all the stories that run through your mind about your spouse (“He never makes the bed”  “She never cleans up after herself”  “She always parks too close my car and I can’t get by”  “He never does the laundry”)

Free up that mental space to focus on yourself.  

Over the last two years with RDS, I’ve met some amazing people.  One of those is John, who has poured himself into helping others through his work for years.  He also realized that he was depleted and needed to take steps to shift his focus to himself.  

We often deplete ourselves looking after others, whether it’s kids, parents, or spouses.  Sometimes all at once.  When feeling stuck, we also feel depleted just by co-existing. 

Think of this lockdown as an opportunity to work on yourself.  Let me suggest that you start with looking down the road at what you want to be experiencing.  Where do you want to be in six months, a year, five years?  

You might want to be sitting on a beach, starting a new business, or settling your kids into boarding school :)  Whatever that picture is for you, think about what you want to be feeling when you’re there.  If you’re thinking of the beach, maybe that feeling is relaxation, freedom, or peace.  What’s important to you?

The thing I hear most often is “I just want a peaceful home”.  So start picturing your peaceful home and what that will look like for you.  

Things are tough now and you’ll obviously have to use your imagination, but isn’t that what you use any time you look down the road?  Spend some time and write it down.  Be sure to include how you want to feel when you get there.  It’s a positive way to spend the next 20 minutes or so.  Then revisit it every day.  You’ll feel less and less stuck.

There are many free resources to support you.  I'm happy to serve as one of those resources to you via a free phone or video consult. In the meantime, create your vision for your future and remember, this too shall pass.

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