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  • Writer's pictureRebecca Irving

My Divorce is Already a War Zone

Updated: Sep 17, 2019

Often people want to litigate their divorce or family case because they believe they will score a “win” or more precisely, to shove a “win” down the other party’s throat and have them declared a bad spouse. Sometimes it’s a matter of wanting to be heard because the other spouse quit listening years ago.

However, the judge will probably never hear the details of the dispute with your spouse because it’s simply not relevant to the judge’s ruling.

Florida is a “no-fault” state. This means that the judge will not be deciding whether you can divorce. In the distant past, the law required that the judge find one party or the other guilty of adultery or other violation of the marriage contract before a divorce could be granted. Now a divorce can be granted when only one spouse decides he or she doesn’t want to be married anymore. That’s it.

There are also cases where spouses want to litigate in order to make the process as painful as possible to the other. Is this allowed? Unfortunately, yes. What they don’t realize is that it will also be as painful as possible for themselves as well as their children. It’s simply not possible to keep this battle away from your children because it will have become a priority in your every day life.

It will also creep into your work life, friendships, and other family relationships. It’s exhausting to a level you can’t imagine, and the damage caused to everyone in your world is very hard to overcome.

People who choose this path often get caught up in a situation they cannot control. There are some lawyers who are very happy to steer you in this direction, then tell you to settle when the well has gone dry on paying their fees. Often this means you will have wasted your time, money and sanity in litigation that can go on for years.

If you find you’re already in this situation and don’t know how to make it stop, consider approaching your spouse about mediation. You don’t have to bring your lawyers to mediation and you can regain control over your case, bring it to a civilized conclusion, and use your remaining resources to build your new life.

If you can’t find a way to communicate this to your spouse, we have a sample letter you can use.

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